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Q: This past year, I was in an abusive relationship you could say. I liked him for some reason, and so my friend set us up. Well, nobody at my school approved and I couldn't understand why. Until...well, apparently he'd had a reputation for sexually abusing girlfriends. And I was next? Whenever we'd go anywhere, he'd sit way too close. Hold me way way uncomfortably tight. He'd smell my hair and my face when I wasn't looking. This was the first week of our relationship. He was too intense, too much. I felt overwhelmed. And I went in to kiss him gently once, but the next thing I know we were making out. I'd never made out with anyone before and I didn't like it at all. It just felt empty and yet invasive and disgusting. And I tried really really hard to pull away, but he wouldn't let me the first time. The second time though, he did. I hated it.
Then, after taking a little over a month of this...I dumped him. But he was manipulative and intimidating and somehow managed to make me feel so guilty that I went out with him again. I don't know why. I was so so stupid. But he made me feel so stupid too. And I still feel stupid. I finally broke out of the relationship seven months ago. But then he wouldn't leave me alone. He kept trying to talk to me forever until finally I just freaked out at him and he doesn't ever try to talk to me again.
It was seven months ago. And I'm still not over the way he made me feel. And that is so not a good thing. He made me feel stupid. Stupid for ever going out with him in the first place, stupid for kissing him, stupid for wanting to go back to him. Just stupid.
I just want to be loved. He didn't care for me at all. He just wanted me as some...some sex machine. And I wasn't ready for that. At all. He didn't rape me, but he made me feel like he might. I don't even know. I feel like nobody wants me. I feel so stupid, like it's my fault that I keep getting hurt. Is it? =[
-15/f
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No, not at all girl. It's not your fault. Good for you for getting rid of that weird-o. He wasn't good for you and you felt that and got out of it. That's all that matters. It's okay that you went back to him once, but you learned from it. It's okay to feel the way you do because I've been there. But you should know that it's not your fault. Every girl wants what you want. Every girl wants to be loved and meet a nice guy. Sadly guys like the one you met tend to ruin our faith a little. But, I promise there are good guys out there, and you will find someone. Don't let that one experience effect you too, too much. (not that you are.) Don't feel stupid. There is a reason you went through all of that. Because I'm sure you learned a lot from it. I'm not trying to be all corny or anything so don't think that lol. But it's not your fault that you keep getting hurt, and don't be so hard on yourself. Give yourself some credit for getting out of a bad situation without too much damage. =) I hope this helps and good luck!
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Thank you. This was very comforting.
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bio
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Hey! =) I really love my life and the things and people in it. I love fashion, make-up, going out, dancing, teaching dance, and being with my friends and family. I feel very blessed for the things I have. It took me a while to get to this point though and I know that growing up, and even people my age, you need advice about certain things every now and then. I've always had people give me advice about things and I've been able to use their advice through my own experience and mistakes and come up with some of my own things. And now I'm the one always helping my friends out. I always have new ideas that I love to share. And well, I can't promise I'll always be able to help or give you the answer you're looking for but, I'll definitely do my best. =)
Also, whether you ask me a question in my inbox or I answer one alone I normally ALWAYS add in my experiences because for me, I like to know when people can relate and aren't just guessing, it's easier when someone has actually been through it. And I'm not going to do any favors by lying, so I am ALWAYS going to be honest. But keep in mind just becasue of my experience and my honesty does not mean I am always right and I understand that. Feedback is appreciated to know what I can work on with certain answers, not demanded.
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Info
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Gender: Female Member Since: June 22, 2008 Answers: 77 Last Update: July 18, 2009 Visitors: 7007
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