Hi, what I will address won't mainly be asking for advice, but for the input of the columnists on advicenators on a very controversial issue of morals against faith in the latter of sex.
I know that among some religions that premarital sex is sinful and highly prohibited without any exceptions, but what are your opinions?
I myself am a Catholic-Christan, and believed in the "sex until marriage" thing when I was together with my boyfriend. But as we got to know each other over the years, we got into intellectual conversations about this topic and if it's argument is valid and reasonable. I'm not saying that our relationship prompted a shift in mindset on this issue, but knowing him and being with him for so many years along with witnessing other married couples made me think about this a little more thoroughly.
I started to think about it as I grew older, and I began to feel differently. The divorce rate in the U.S. is at an amazingly high rate, and more couples are breaking it off even after saving the sex until marriage "policy". On some occasions I even think that these breakoffs are due to the quality of the sex. If the sex isn't good, usually lovers leave and commit infidelity. Unless the couple is really committed to one another, they will keep trying to make the sex work out.
The way I think about this scenario now is that I believe that it is acceptable to have sex before marriage, under certain circumstances. Because a couple must establish that intellectual intimate bond with commitment, devotion, loyalty, etc. Even then does that take years to accomplish, and the time spent shows respect to each other that both partners are willing to stick it out this long and wait for each other to take action that is of great importance. Also after all that is done, the relationship goes to the next level in the stage of sex. Having sex before marriage lets the couple know how how much they really love each other and how much they are willing to commit to each other. In a sense it tests us on how much we value sex and what factor it plays in our life. And if we don't pass the test in avoiding adultery, it was never meant to be with that person, so how can a couple get married if sex and passion got the best of them to steer them toward someone else?
To conclude, although you could say I'm going against my religion, it doesn't mean that I don't have faith. A lot of the "rules" that we have to abide by sometimes do seem unreasonable, in order to understand love and all the goodness that it brings, I really don't think marriage is enough to keep someone faithful.
In no ways am I encouraging premarital sex, especially on advicenators with teeny-boppers running around having sex with their semi-erect penises, but what I am saying is that before sex comes commitment, loyalty, devotion, understanding, civility, and vice versa. But I do believe that before marriage comes sex. Why because marriage is the highest level that a couple can go through to show their love toward one another for all of eternity, and how can you reach the highest level without sharing everything of yourself to your soulmate, including your most prized possession?
I apologize if I come off a little bias, but that isn't my intention at all. I'm not promoting anything, nor am I objectifying "sex before marriage." Those couples who are able to succeed through this lifestyle, I admire you, I really do. Especially in a society that is centered around sex nowadays. But I would like to know the opinions of others to better understand this controversial subject.
Thanks and sorry for the long read! I hope to hear a lot of responses!
Allow me to comment from a completely non-religious angle.
For the record, I don't think premarital sex is bad. I do, however, think that having sex with someone you do not love, is not good. Not necessarily bad, but not good. I think that if you are connected to the person you are having sex with, it's alright in my eyes. Meaning, you're not just in it for the physical pleasure. If during sex, you connect with your partner in more than just a physical way, that's good. If you're just looking for a quick lousy fuck to barely remember the next morning, THAT is bad.
For my own example, me and my girlfriend are quite sexually active. We do love each other, there is absolutely no question about that. And we do use protection, as we are too young to support a child (and I hate kids anyway.) As for marriage, well, I don't know if we'll ever stick it out that long, but for the record, I can easily see myself spending a long time with her. Then again, I'm 17, what the fuck do I know about love?
I hold the belief that a couple really should have sex before marriage. The practice of saving yourself until marriage is outdated at this day and age, and rarely seen anyway. And, as I've seen in some of my own friends, this can backfire. You bring up the point that if the sex is bad, marital infidelity is a possiblity. I believe this argument is valid, and encourage couples to have sex. (And when I say couples, I mean couples in love, who are old enough to get married without parental consent, who truly believe they can spend their lives with each other, and know beyond all doubt they can trust each other with their whole hearts.) Nowadays, sex is so emphasized that the average person will find someone else if they are dissatisfied. "So what if I'm married? My husband lasts 20 seconds! I can't live with that!" So I think it is a good idea to "test" your partner before marriage. "Try before you buy." Yeah, it sounds crude, but it gives you an estimate of what you have, and what you can work towards. Everyone wants to be a sexual god in bed.
On a different note, I congratulate you on not following any and every aspect of your religion. I hate to see people blindly following a faith with absolutely no questions whatsoever. Not to knock on your beliefs, of course. Believe in whatever makes you happy, just believe in what ideals you have created in yourself, not from someone else.
Thank god, a decent question for once! I've had enough of "i Got fIngErd aRe I pregnent!?" questions.
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Yes I agree with you wholeheartedly, the concept of sex until marriage IS outdated because of the fast pace of evolution that our society undergoes. It really doesn't apply in today's society as it did for our ancestors, and for that we face a cornucopia of corruption in the face of mankind today. The marriage status has really been downsized over the years and isn't taken seriously as it once was; and because of that premarital sex is better, if not, encouraged for loving couples to act upon. I like what you said about seeing people blindly following their faith...I mean, yes I'm Catholic and I share in their belief system (for the most part), but some concepts just don't make any sense in the present day world! Haha and yes I'm sick of seeing questions like those too. Thanks for your input, I appreciate it!
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